“Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend." - Sarah Ban Breathnach

Friday, November 14, 2008

Grieving, Coping, or Somewhere In Between

The rules: Give yourself permission to feel your emotions, whatever they are, without judging, explaining, or suppressing. Then, let them go.

I feel afraid that my family will fall apart and resent me for not being a good wife and mother.
I feel afraid that I will remain in this 60 year old body.
I feel sad that I am missing out on special memories like my kids' birthday parties and going to the pumpkin patch and late nights with my husband.
I feel frustrated that there are a pile of things that need to get done, and I can't do it.
I feel angry that my family keeps waiting, waiting, waiting for me to get better instead of filling in the blanks.
I feel hurt that they won't do more to help me get better.
I feel lonely in trying to battle this disease.
I feel disappointed I'm not getting help.
I feel confused at how to ask and sad that I should have to.
I feel sad that I am a burden to those I love, that I am placing burdens upon their shoulders that were never supposed to be theirs.
I feel powerless, because no matter what I do, it might not be enough to heal.
It hurts me that God would do this to me.


Sue Jackson said...

Wow, well said!! I could have written every single line myself - you have so perfectly expressed my own feelings.

I could especially relate to what you said about not knowing how to ask for help and being frustrated that you have to ask! Even after 6 years, everyone still seems to expect me to be the same capable person I've always been. Perhaps that's partly my own fault; I have so much trouble admitting to my limitations some days.

It meant so much to me this week when a friend came over to offer me her company while I was severely crashed and brought along lunch and dinner for my family!

Coping (and grieving) is an on-going process - here we call it finding a new normal. Hang in there! It does actually get easier with time.