“Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend." - Sarah Ban Breathnach

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Rebel, Rebel

I know I'm dating myself here, but this was a really popular T-shirt back when I was a teen. I am relating to this little mouse today.

I had seen so much progress, I grew cocky. I was so busy planning my recovery and the many wonderful things I was going to slowly introduce back into my life that I didn't notice the creeping crash. My body warned me, it certainly did. I knew that I couldn't continue to cheat CFS like I was and get away with it. I had been lulled into a sense of security because I had rebounded so well following a few other periods of high activity. I thought I would be fine if I just took it easy again for awhile.

So, after a serious CFS beat down and tears of defeat in my husband's arms, I am humbled. I am done rebelling. I'm giving in. I am not going to fixate on the external factors that I can't change -- the responsibilities and stresses that are the nature of my life. Instead, I am going to focus on what I can change. I'm adding another rest period into my day, and I'm going to be more consistent with my yoga. I'll work on stress-reducing techniques. I'll remember how to say "no."

It never gets easy admitting that you are ill.


I AM ROSE said...

Prayer's and Love for you and your family.
Hang in there!
In Love.

Dusty Bogwrangler said...

I think I'm in a similar place. Your post reminds me of the serenity prayer which you are probably familiar with:
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Thanks for the timely reminder. Take care.

Lauren said...

It is hard to keep being disappointed, hard to keep hoping. Keep fixing your eyes on Jesus every morning. He will be & already is using you for His Glory. He is your one assurance. I pray that he will shower his blessing on you today.
Love Lauren

alyson said...

I can relate to your post. It was almost like reading about my own CFS story. Thank you for sharing.

Lori P said...


No, it doesn't. I'm sorry to hear you've had a tough time. I've had one of those days myself. Jessie has done SO well that we got a little cocky too. It serves as a nasty little reminder to keep watch and be smart. GRRRR... Don't you just hate keeping watch and being smart? For once, you'd just love to throw caution to the wind. Such is life. I know that you are a strong person and thankfully, so is my Jessie. You will both survive rather well and be stronger for it - I AM certain of that.

Lori P said...

One more thing. As I was cursing life this morning, I listened to a sermon that said that each of us is put on a path to be a "fisher of men." The strength that you gain from this difficult path is going to help someone else, whether you know it or not. (I hope that makes sense!) Know that what you're going through and the life that you lead, if your heart is in the right place, will influence, impress and help others.

Sue Jackson said...

We've all been there, Shelli, and we've all learned that lesson over and over again. Surrender and acceptance are key to living with CFS, even though it seems contrary to everything we've ever done before in our lives. This is one thing we just can't push through on sheer determination.

I hope by now you've rested and recovered somewhat.