Adrenaline Junkie

I think I thrive on stress. Not the normal background soundtrack to my life kind of stress, but the in the moment kind of stress. Like when I speak in front of a large group of people, or I race to complete a deadline, or I handle a crisis fairly well. It's almost like I feel high for an hour or two after!

And then I crash. Muscle fatigue, extreme exhaustion, brain fog, headaches -- you're all familiar with it.

I think I've been cycling in and out of it for weeks now. I wake up in the morning, and I'm hit with the worries of the day, sending a rush of adrenaline through me that won't let me doze anymore. I scurry around getting the kids off to school, and then when it quiets, I rest. The rest brings on a crash, and I can barely get out of it! Yesterday, I actually had to sit down in the shower (I'm usually higher functioning than that). I called my husband and started crying before he even said hello. Not good.

Then it's time to pick up the kids and shuttle them to various activities, and I'm living on adrenaline again. We get home in the evening, and I have to ask one of my teens to put chicken nuggets in the oven for me. I try to interact and help the kids get their homework done or get ready for the next day, but all I can manage is a little half-hearted nagging. By the time bed comes, I collapse.

It is finally dawning on me that perhaps adrenal fatigue is a part of my CFS! (Duh.) Does anyone have a way of breaking out of the stress cycle? Is there a way to "talk yourself down" from an adrenaline high? I'm interested in opinions and ideas!

Deer in the Headlights

I saw it coming. I really did. But there was nothing I could do about it.

Last week was about as bad as a week can get! Busy and stressful -- not a good combination. The a/c went out, and it took the repairman four days and two visits to fix it. We had pest control spray our house inside and out, forcing us to leave home for a couple of hours. My teenage son stepped on a stick on Father's Day, and it has been infected ever since. We had a couple of lengthy doctor's visits, as well as a couple of trips to get x-rays. It is not healing well, and my doctor informed me that he may require surgery. We don't have insurance right now, since we started our own business, and the cost would be about $10,000. Yikes! My daughter was in her first accident the other day (not her fault!) which meant I've been helping her with insurance adjusters and auto mechanics. My husband thought it would help me if we could get away, so we got a hotel on Friday. The bed was atrocious, and I did not get hardly any sleep! He took me to see Harry Potter the next day, but a 2 1/2 hour movie is not something I tolerate very well these days. (I loved the movie, though! I've read all the books.) After, we walked the mall for a little while, looking for a blender. We had an early dinner that was nice, but I ended up skipping my afternoon rest. Sunday, I not only taught the lesson for our women's group, but I also gave a talk in the main meeting when the families are all together. Sometimes I can piggy back an extra activity on top of an already busy day, if I rest enough before and after. I had accepted the assignment well before I could have known what kind of week it would be!

And ... yesterday, I had a terrible crash! Of course, I knew it was coming. I'm surprised it didn't hit me earlier. I came home from church and headed straight to my room. My husband fixed me a delicious salad and sent it up to me. My youngest was so sweet, making sure I had enough to eat, filling my water bottle, offering to share his dessert. I was woozy and passing out; I developed a migraine that prescription strength ibuprofen didn't help; my muscles AND joints were aching all over. I slept, but just a little bit. My eyes were twitching so bad, I felt almost blind! I finally fell asleep for good at 11:30 pm, and I was out cold until 9 am.

And yet, today, I am rebounding pretty well! I am taking it super easy today, of course, but I'm out of bed. I was able to change my sheets (long needed!) and do a load of laundry. I can't believe I'm not worse off today.

Something is seriously getting better. I feel like the tortoise and the hare ... and the snail. I'm at the beginning of the race, but I really think there is a finish line somewhere down this road. Yesterday was awful, but I am feeling so full of hope right now.

By the way, I did a great job with both my talk and my lesson! ;) That may have been a little help from above!

Adding a Twist

I've known for awhile that I needed to change my eating habits. It is a very good possibility that I have candida overgrowth. Plus, I'm susceptible to hypoglycemia. I know that stabilizing my blood sugar will help me keep my energy stable, too.

So, I have just finished a juice detox, and I am starting a low carb diet. I've done South Beach before, and I always feel good when I'm eating that way. I'm going to add a lot more leafy vegetables. I'm taking garlic, oil of oregano, and probiotics for the candida. Goodbye sugar, white flour, regular pasta, sweets. Oh, except I think I'll keep my daily doses of dark chocolate -- you know, for medicinal purposes!

I've also started taking a magnesium supplement, and I want to boost my glutathione levels. I'm looking at a couple of different supplements to see which would be best.

Does anyone know any more tricks for fighting candida? From what I've read, that's about it, but I'm always open to suggestions!

ME/CFS Awareness: Managing CFS

There is no treatment for CFS. You treat the symptoms; you manage CFS.

I currently do not take any prescription medication. I have in the past, but it was either not helpful or made things worse. Sadly, the medical community has not been my best friend when it comes to CFS.

So, here is what I do to take care of ME (get it?):

1. PACING!!! There is no drug or supplement or protocol that has done more good for me than pacing. My quality of life skyrocketed once I found out that you can not "push through" CFS. I still make mistakes ... and learn my lessons ... but overall, I do pretty well making sure I get plenty of rest between high exertional periods. It has allowed me to go from being a zombie 24/7 to being lucid and functional 3 to 7 hours a day.

2. Formal, scheduled periods of rest. This is a bit different from pacing, I think. Twice a day, regardless of activity level or level of fatigue, I rest for 30 minutes. I go in my room, put on my migraine/sleep mask, set the timer, and just rest. I try to add a little deep breathing and maybe some light visualization for relaxation. But I don't push it. Sometimes my mind races for the full 30 minutes; sometimes I fall asleep. Usually it's somewhere in between. I usually feel much better afterward, but if not, it's a great gauge that tells me I need to slow down a little more.

3. Supplements. I discovered pretty early on that you can be so desperate to get rid of CFS that you'll spend a small fortune to try anything! I use a little more restraint now. My rule of thumb is that it has to either be obviously effective or good for my overall health. At night, I take a multi-vitamin, calcium, magnesium, fish oil, and melatonin. In the morning, I take a mega dose of B12 sublingually, CoQ10, and a B complex. I take .75 oz. of dark chocolate twice a day, after my rests. I have begun taking additional anti-oxidants, including CoQ10 in the afternoon to see if it helps with my afternoon slump. I had been taking NADH, but I stopped for a few weeks to see if it was helpful. I think it was, so I'll start taking it again next week. I'm also going to be testing electrolytes and d-ribose.

4. Exercise. Right now, I do about 15 minutes of stretching daily to ease pain. I am hoping to begin adding 5 minutes of cardio. No panic, just something very low impact that I can monitor and pace carefully -- probably rebounding (mini-trampoline) because it has the added benefit of flushing the lymph nodes and improving the immune system.

5. Diet. OK, I have to admit this is more theory than practice at this point! Although I have made some progress by eating healthy dinners. I have easy, healthy recipes that even my kids can make if I'm not up to it (see my other blog, The Flagging Chef, sidebar). The next step is to cut down on the sugar and other high Glycemic Index foods so I have a more steady stream of energy. Ha! We'll see.

Did I leave anything out?

Kicking Off ME/CFS Awareness Week!

It looks like ME/CFS Awareness Day (May 12th) has evolved to ME/CFS Awareness Week! Which is nice, because really, most of us need to "pace" our posts anyway, right?

I'm taking Ashy's lead, and I'm going to be sharing what my symptoms are, how they affect my life, and what I am doing to manage this disease.

My Symptoms:

Fatigue (duh!)
Cognitive dysfunction
Impaired memory
Difficulty with word finding
Word switching (always humorous)
Post-exertional malaise (but not severe)
Unrefreshing sleep
Headaches, sometimes migraines that last days
Sore throat, but only when I've overdone it
Night sweats
Sensitivity to light
Sensitivity to sound
Sensitivity to cold
Eye spasms (blepharospasm or myoclonus)
Tinnitus (ringing ears)
Orthostatic intolerance
Dizziness
Fainting
Jaw pain (TMJ)
Weight gain
Muscle soreness when I wake up
Anxiety

My worst symptoms are the fatigue (again, duh!), cognitive dysfunction, and the ever-embarrassing eye spasms! The rest of it is annoying and bearable.

Lurking Symptoms

You know, when I first started experiencing CFS, I wasn't even sure I had enough symptoms to qualify. I had the fatigue, cognitive problems, and headaches. Were my lymph nodes sore? I didn't know -- I had never really paid attention to lymph nodes before. How about a sore throat? Everyone gets sore throats, right? Were the ones I experienced "frequent" or normal? Was I experiencing "post-exertional malaise"? Who knew? I felt like crap all the time; how can you quantify if it was actually worse after exercise or activity?

As I've settled into this disease, I am now able to recognize lurking symptoms. They may be overshadowed by the major symptoms I experience, but now I know they are there. Yes, I get frequent sore throats, but more importantly I recognize them as a warning signal -- I overdid it the day before, and now I need to take it easy. Maybe the joint and muscle pain I feel in the morning isn't just from getting old. Hey, my lymph nodes do bother me from time to time! Plus, I'm sensitive to cold and I get night sweats; I'm sensitive to light and sound; I have itchy eyes, eye spasms and tinnitus; I have a whole heck of a lot of cognitive problems; I have dizziness and neurally mediated hypotension; and I have TMJ.

So, yes. I guess I do have CFS after all.

Is it Cancer -- Or Wishful Thinking?

Can undiagnosed skin cancer cause chronic fatigue? I've noticed I have several suspicious-looking moles. It's not surprising -- I've had palish skin since I was a child. I grew up in Southern California before sunscreen was heard of. As a teen, SPF 8 meant you were a wimp! Sun tanning oil was the rage. Every summer, I would get my traditional sunburn, which would then peel off and allow me to tan. I am a prime candidate for skin cancer!

So -- is it possible that I really don't have CFS at all, but instead skin cancer? Then, all it would take is getting rid of a few moles, maybe a little chemo (which they say is about as bad as CFS, anyway), and then voila! I'm all better!

Do we all have these fantasies? Is it denial?

The Duel

I have two opposing symptoms that love to drive me nuts! First of all, I'm sensitive to cold, and I feel cold ALL the time! I wake up with frozen fingers and toes. I'm chilly all day long. I need the windows closed from early afternoon on. I'm cold!

However, I also have night sweats. A couple of times every night, I break out in a terrible sweat. This leads, of course, to the nightly duel. I start out comfortably snuggled under the covers as I fall asleep. Then, I'm tossing them off trying to get relief. This leads to shivers and reaching for the tossed blankets ... until I can't stand them and they're off again!

Is this why I never feel rested? (One of the many reasons, I know!)

I Hate the Time Change!!!

I hate the time change! I'm even going to go out on a limb and say that I personally believe it CAUSED my CFS! (OK, maybe the dates don't really match up, but it is still my official scapegoat.)

I followed my normal routine yesterday: took my rests when I was supposed to, went to bed at my normal time, fell asleep reasonably fast. I think I slept pretty well last night.

Then, I woke up at 6:11 am. A full 39 minutes before I need to. I couldn't get back to sleep! I got the kids up at 6:50 am, and I thought I'd slip back to sleep then (my husband takes over from there). Nope -- still up at 8 am. I'm about to cave and get up, when I finally drift back to sleep. Then in and out of sleep, not peacefully, until it's 10 am, and I have to drag myself out of bed or I am So Out of Luck (that's what the acronym stands for, right?)! To heck with yoga and even making my bed. I'll worry about the bed after my first rest.

Ugh! I am dragging and miserable! My eyes are twitching already -- never a good sign! I have been typing nonsense words while trying to get this post out; I've had to go back and erase three or four already. I feel a zombie day ahead of me. I can hardly wait to get to bed tonight. Just nine and a half more hours to go!

The Price of Overconfidence

I was thinking about the phrase "bill of health" and it made me think of the tab I ran up yesterday.

1. I worked at the store all day yesterday. I only had two customers, so it was pretty quiet. I realized by the end of the day, I still felt pretty good! I was feeling pretty confident. (cha-ching)

2. I then went to my book club. I love my book club! The books we read are so interesting, and even if I didn't like the book that month, the discussions are always so fantastic. Unfortunately, we had a small group, so the discussion was a little tepid this time. It wasn't as fun as usual, but we got out of there a little early. I was still feeling pretty confident. (cha-ching)

3. I came home and unwinded by curling up on the couch and watching "Survivor." It's pretty mindless entertainment. I was thinking I should probably get to bed when it was over, but I convinced myself to stay up for "The Office" next. Then, I stayed up for "30 Rock," even though I don't really even like that show very much. A little voice started a warning. Regret was waiting on the sidelines, tsk tsking. (cha-ching)

4. I thought I'd put my post-exertional malaise theory to the test. I was still awake when my daughter came home late from work, so I chatted with her about how her day went. I ended up getting to bed about two hours past my usual time. (cha-ching)

And ... boy am I paying for it today! I was lying in bed dreaming this morning that it was getting later and later and I needed to get up, but fatigue weighed so heavily upon me that it was like I was in a coma and could not even force my eyes open to check the clock. I was finally awakened by the telephone ringing at 10 am. On my good days, I'm up at 7 or 8 am after nine to 10 hours of sleep. I languish in bed for a little while, but I don't feel sleepy. I panic if I'm not up by 9 am; that usually means difficulty getting to sleep that night. This time, it had been over 11 hours, and I still felt groggy. I was achy all over, I was dying of thirst, and there was just a hint of a sore throat. I wasn't even up to my morning yoga, and I didn't make it into the shower until noon.

Thank goodness it's Friday! At least I can get all the rest I need to bounce back tomorrow without having the alarm going off for school. I hope I'm feeling better, because Vons is having a really good sale tomorrow, and I would like to be able to feed my family.

Waking

Waking up and fleeting consciousness are not the same thing. Some mornings, I'll surface periodically, glance at the clock, tell myself, "I really need to get up," and then drift back into oblivion. Waking up is opening my eyes, noticing the sun streaming through the window, and having thoughts storm into my mind. I can still lounge in bed, but there's no question -- I'm not going back to sleep!

I used to think that I could tell what kind of day I'm going to have based on how I wake up. If I'm awake right away, it's going to be a good day; if I'm drifting for hours, I'm in trouble. Now I think it's more of an indication as to how my yesterday was -- did I take care of myself, or did I overdo it again? Either way, a late morning is a signal to be gentle.

I'm definitely learning how to listen to my body. Listening is the first part; learning to obey is next.

Chronicling Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Someone once said that calling this illness (disease? condition? ailment?) chronic fatigue is like calling Parkinson's "chronic shakiness syndrome." Really, the name is embarrassing. People just don't get it. When they hear that moniker, they think, "Ok, well then just go take a nap!" Ah, if it were only that easy!

So, I'm here to chronicle life with chronic fatigue.

What is CFS?
CFS is the elephant graveyard for all diseases that the doctor can't quite put his finger on -- the ethereal, undiagnosable, strange diseases that in the past were labeled non-existent. So, now instead of "You're crazy," we have CFS.

What does CFS look like?
Fat - I weigh more than I did after my 6th child.
Flabby - I've lost muscle. Like Schwarzenegger without a shirt. (Have you seen him lately?)
Old - I've aged 10 years in the last two.
Lazy - My house is a disaster.
Flighty - I am so forgetful! I even get disoriented driving to the store sometimes.
Flaky - Ok, sometimes I just can't do that, even if I promised or I really, really should.
Turret's - When people see my signature twitching, they tense up, expecting me to start swearing a blue streak.
Beaten up - The permanent dark circles under my eyes make me look like I married a wife beater.
Beaten down - I slouch, even worse than when I was 15.

What does CFS feel like?
Think Christmas morning, 6 am, after staying up "playing Santa" until 3 am. That's on a good day. Then, it gets progressively worse, day after day, until "the crash." All functionality flies out the window until I am able to recuperate back to just feeling deathly tired. Mornings are the worst. Opening my eyes feels like peeling off band-aids. You know that feeling you have after a good night's rest, when the baby has slept through the night, and no one climbed into bed with you, and you wake up all by yourself without the help of the alarm, and you feel so good and refreshed? I haven't felt that in two years. Add to that regular headaches (minor to moderate) and a debilitating migraine every month or two. Also throw in some daily aches and pains and little annoying illnesses like sore throats, sniffles, a cold, and the flu.

What does CFS sound like?
"Um, we think it may be perimenopause... hormones... too much/little progesterone/estrogen/testosterone (what?!)... hypo/hyperthyroidism... anemia... nutritional deficiency... migraines (ok, yes, but only as a symptom, not as a diagnosis)... depression... inactive/overactive adrenal glands... MS... seizures (Ok, you know it's bad when you're disappointed it's not a brain tumor -- at least they could cut the stupid thing out and I could GET BETTER!!!)... blepharospasm... hypoglycemia... sleep apnea..."

What helps?
Yoga. Arbonne. Lowering expectations. Knowing my limits. Pacing myself. Priesthood blessings from my husband. Being aware of how much I'm still contributing.

What doesn't?
Trying to play catch up. Comparing myself to "superwomen," including who I used to be. Over-committing. Setting my expectations too high. Praying to make this go away. Trying to make everyone happy. Yo-yo dieting... BUT I STILL DO IT!

Chronic Fatigue vs. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Chronic fatigue and chronic fatigue syndrome are often used interchangeably, but they are actually two very separate things. Most of us have experienced fatigue as a symptom of illnesses such as the flu, pneumonia, or a severe cold. It can also sneak up on us through extreme stress, poor nutrition, or lack of sleep (remember those "just had a baby" days?).

Chronic fatigue is that kind of unrelenting fatigue that persists for more than six months. It is a symptom of other diseases such as infections, lupus, multiple sclerosis, thyroid disease, depression, fibromyalgia, anemia, or sleep apnea. If you cure the disease, the fatigue goes away. If the disease is chronic, then chronic fatigue can be treated but not cured.

Chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) is an actual disease recognized by the Center for Disease Control. It is a neurological and autoimmune disease. The main characteristic of CFS is severe, disabling physical and mental fatigue that gets worse with even minimal exertion. In addition to fatigue, people with CFS also exhibit at least four of the following symptoms:

• Impaired memory or concentration
• Post-exertional malaise (extreme, prolonged exhaustion and sickness following physical or mental activity)
• Unrefreshing sleep
• Muscle pain
• Joint pain without swelling or redness
• Headaches of a new type or severity
• Sore throat that's frequent or recurring
• Tender cervical or axillary lymph nodes

In addition to these diagnostic criteria, people with CFS have up to 50 other recognizable symptoms, including dizziness, numbness, allergies, anxiety, blackouts (remember that car ride that started this all?) and irregular heartbeat.

CFS for me is typically a cycle where I feel pretty good for awhile, then I start to deteriorate and end with a crash that can last days or even weeks. I go into survival mode during the crash period, which apparently lets me recuperate and I gradually get back to feeling better. I'm in the process of trying to figure out what triggers my crashes so I can avoid them more often.

I'm grateful for a loving and forgiving family that steps up and helps out when I'm in the middle of a crash. I know this disease has hurt them tremendously, but I swear I'm doing all I can to make things better!